Angry couples in relationships are at a seriously dangerous crossroads. If the couple does not find a way to become less angry at one another the relationship will only get more toxic. Too many couples, when they know one or both parties are very angry, either do nothing to help or just make things escalate.
For instance, when you make your partner angry when you stay out late without calling, you are purposely causing your partner to become angry. It does not seem out of the ordinary for your partner to expect to know if you are going to be late. It is not asking too much. Why would you purposely not do a simple thing to keep things peaceful between the two of you? Why do you keep doing something to make someone you love angry at you? Is it because you think your partner being angry is no big deal?
Well, keep in mind all that anger and feelings of disrespect are collective. Don’t be surprised when you do it one time too many and find out your partner’s anger is going to affect you. They may throw you out, move out, or end the relationship. Just because you keep getting away with the things you do and say doesn’t mean you will get away with it forever.
All it takes is that one time too many, and at that point, they have already shut down. Now no matter what you do or say, they don’t believe you, and they don’t care. You made them believe that every time you said you are sorry for making them angry you didn’t mean it, so why should they believe it now? They won’t. When you promised to never do it again because you don’t want them angry at you anymore you did it over and over again. So again, you proved to them that you are a liar and can’t be trusted. But now you want them to believe you? Good luck.
We can’t tell you how many times we have heard from clients asking us how they can get the one they love back and the answer is simply “You can’t, you took too long to take them seriously and make the changes that they are over it and you.” They are full of remorse and wish they would have stopped hurting the person they loved and making them angry. But it is too late.
Chasing them around and demanding they talk about it only makes them angrier. You didn’t listen to them when they wanted to talk, so why should they listen to you now? You had so many chances and they are not willing to give you another one.
It is understandable that when the one you love makes you angry, you want to make them angry as well. Although understandable, this does nothing good for the relationship itself. Resolving anger would be a much better tactic. When you screw up, allow the person that you got angry to vent and get their feelings out. Listen for a while before you try to defend yourself, and if your situation really isn’t defendable, don’t bother.
Apologize with words, tell them how sorry you are and WHY. Assure them you won’t do it again, and DO SOMETHING to show you are sorry. Get flowers, get candy, do something for them and be on your best behavior. Show them you are willing to EARN their forgiveness. That can help them to get over their anger and build back up their trust and faith in you.