Poor communication is one of the top reasons relationships end. Communication skills need to be present in every relationship, especially romantic ones. The beginning of the relationship is the time to listen to your inner voice and use your speaking voice to properly verbalize your needs and agendas so that you are truly being heard. How many times have you complained that someone is “Just not listening to you” or that “I told ___ so many times the same thing and the refuse to listen”.
How did you communicate what was on your mind? Did you beat around the bush? Did you expect them to guess what was on your mind ? If they really loved you they would just know, right? Wrong! People are not mind readers, and if you want to be heard, then SPEAK. Unfortunately you have failure to communicate because proper communication skills are not being implemented in your relationships.
In the beginning of a relationship so many people are afraid to even make suggestions of where to go to dinner much less speak their minds on important issues. Why? How is someone supposed to get to know you if you are hiding what is going on in your mind? If someone tells you when they first meet you that they do not want a serious relationship, but you do, and you are secretly hoping one day they will, can you honestly say you listened to them?
Communication is not just about talking, it is also about listening. If someone told you that if you walk out of your house in the morning and your house will blow up, and you leave your house in the morning and it doesn’t blow up, will you believe them again? No. Then why do you tell someone, over and over again, that if they don’t make a commitment to you, that you are leaving them? You never leave and expect them to believe YOU?
Quite frankly, you lied. Why should they believe you? And why would you believe someone who tells you over and over again that they will make changes which never materialize, but you keep believing them? They lied. Repeatedly. When are you going to stop believing them? Will it take a hundred lies? A thousand? They are using words to manipulate you to stay. Communicating honestly is one of the keys to a successful relationship. Everyone needs to stop lying themselves and if there are lies in their relationship, they need to be addressed.
When you have an issue you wish to discuss and the other person keeps deflecting that issue, in an effort to steer the conversation away from your issue, stop talking, stop listening, and end the conversation. Tell that person that until they are ready to hear you and keep their mouth shut until you are done talking, you have nothing to say to them. When you are discussing your issue and they say “But you make me do that”, realize they are using manipulative conversation skills to turn the tables on you. Don’t fall for it. I mean really, if you had the power to make this person do all the things they do that you don’t like, then why would you use that power? You wouldn’t, obviously! Instead you would use the power to make them do the things you want them to that would make you happy!
Learning how to communicate with your romantic partner early in your relationship is important for its continued growth and success. Even though the two of you may communicate very differently, addressing the fact there needs to be communication and clear understanding of those communications will keep the relationship flowing much more smoothly.