Relationship instability is a problem many couples suffer from. Relationship instability, if not addressed, can lead to the ultimate devastation of a relationship. When a relationship is very unstable, it breeds insecurity, dysfunctional behavior, and tons and tons of drama. If you are in an unstable relationship, you are not really enjoying it. You are sticking around in the hopes it gets better. The thing is, if you don’t do something about it, and soon, it is only going to get worse.
If your house has a roof leak and you don’t fix it, at some point the ceilings in the house get water damage and eventually may even fall down. If you still don’t fix it, the walls and floors can be destroyed. Down the road, if the damage is still not contained and fixed, you can get toxic mold and then your house will be condemned. What started out as one problem with your house created more and more which then destroyed the house and you can no longer remain in it.
The same thing happens with relationships. If you do not address what is creating/causing instability in your relationship, the damage is going to be extensive. This can lead to trust issues, jealousy issues, lack of respect (and self-respect) and a loss of dignity. At some point this unstable relationship will just implode. So if your relationship is a rocky one, be the bigger, smarter person and keep a level head. Someone has to take the lead. If you are not the one causing most of the problems causing this relationship instability, then that person is you.
The one who is causing the relationship instability usually becomes the one in control. The longer they are in control, the worse it gets. They almost always get their partner to follow along with them, which really screws things up. Instead of drawing a line in the sand, the other partner enables the one they love to keep doing and saying things that make the relationship less stable. They make excuses to themselves, and to others, instead of doing what is right. They allow the bad behavior to continue and hang in there with some weird (and wrong) idea that some day, out of the blue, things will magically changed.
Well, they could have changed things, but they didn’t. They were afraid to lose the relationship and the one they loved. That fear gave them the brilliant idea that if they kept a bad relationship going it would get better. Wrong. Eventually it gets to the point where it is just a toxic mess.
So what are the right things to do when your relationship is suffering from instability? First thing, address what the main cause of the problem is. Don’t focus on the problems the main problem caused. Go to the source. Without addressing the true source, you will never really solve the problem. It is like putting a band aid on a gun shot wound.
Let’s say the person you are in a relationship with keeps breaking up with you all the time. This would cause you to walk on eggshells, and worry each time that maybe they won’t come back. This has most likely made you more and more insecure and your dignity takes a hit each time you put up with it. Now every time the one you love does something wrong, you are afraid to address it because you think they might break up with you.
What you have to do with a situation like this change what you do when the one you love breaks up with you and how you get back together. Something about YOUR behavior and words makes them think this is ok, and that they can get away with it. Unless you shake things up you won’t change their attitude about breaking up with you. This means it will happen over and over again and now you have an on/off relationship.
If you are really serious about creating a stable relationship, you need to make changes within yourself before this relationship can/will change.