There are many reasons why men withdraw in a relationship. It usually happens to women in relationships with men. For one reason or another, the guy ends up pulling back, withdrawing or retreating 2-4 months into their dating relationship. Things start off great, there is communication, he calls or texts, you do a lot of things together and things seem to be happily zipping along and then… BAM!!!! out of nowhere he stops calling. He calls once a day instead of 3 times or only sees you once a week instead of the 4 he did when the two of you started hanging out together.
After things have been flowing so steadily you feel as if you have had the rug pulled out from underneath your feet. Energetically you can feel the detachment and begin to agonize if he is going to break up with you, talking to an ex or courting someone new. You wonder what you did, what you said, did you have bad breath? You rattle your brain trying to figure out what caused him to retreat from you. Here are some of the reasons guys (or gals) pull back after dating for a few months.
Reasons Why Men Withdraw
- The first reason why men withdraw is after having a reality check, he decides things need to slow down a bit. When you first met there was great chemistry and you spent a lot of time together. He let a lot of things in his life go to spend every waking moment with you. He stopped cutting his lawn, cleaning his place, watering the plants and spending time with his friends. When he pulls back he is not showing you he does not want to spend time with you he is just having to re-focus his attention on his life to do the things he has neglected while he was spending so much time with you. So he is not pulling back because he does not want to spend time with you, he is just trying to restore balance to the life he let get out of control.
- He thinks you are great and tells you so. He says you are the best thing that ever happened to him. He says he has waited all his life for someone like you. He knows you are “The One” and is ready to start planning a future with you, then he wigs out and disappears. He vanishes into thin air, like the kid who made his family disappear in Home Alone. He does not call or communicate. He does not return your calls, texts or emails. Why? His feelings got in the way, he saw his future laying out before him and quite frankly it scared him, because he probably wasn’t really ready for it anyway although he talked a good game. He is more interested in the rush that comes at the beginning of the relationship and the high that goes with that. He is chasing love for the excitement and newness of it.
- Another reason why men withdraw is because something happened in his life. He could be having job drama, trauma and chaos, family issues or medical problems. Women like to share their issues with their friends, talk about different experiences and seek advice. Men like to shut down and shut up. They want to be left alone in the man cave while they deal with their little drama. Money and career issues affect their self-esteem as most men define themselves through their jobs. Offering to help or being there for them will not make the situation better but make him further retreat into the man cave. To keep damage minimal in your relationship, when things are going well between you have a little talk with him asking him to please give you the heads up when he needs to go to the man cave.
If you are currently in a relationship with a guy who is pulling back from you, retreating from you or hiding in the man cave the best thing to do is leave him alone. Now is the time to focus on yourself and your own needs. Hang out with your friends, take some classes, try yoga, take a short vacay, just do something else besides ponder him and his lack of communication. When men withdraw, you can’t draw them back out again. Given some time and space, he will more than likely come out of the man cave and your relationship will start to move forward again.