Comparing relationships is a part of human nature. We see a man treat his wife or girlfriend in ways we wished ours would and become envious. Sometimes we wish we could have a relationship like someone else’s. When we are single, it seems as if every one on earth is coupled off. We compare our being single to those in a relationship and feel we are the losers. But are we? Do we really know the full story of the relationships we are comparing ours, or lack thereof, to? Do we really know that if our husband was like so and so’s we would be happy? Or are we comparing relationships based on very little information? And if we know what kind of relationship would make us happy, why are we always in ones that make us unhappy?
There was a couple on a show recently who owned and operated a resort. They were husband and wife and business partners in the resort. All their closest friends, colleagues, and family members thought they were an ideal match. They treated each other warmly, respectfully, and lovingly. Their friends, family members and clientelle commented on how they were comparing their relationships to the one this couple had. They wished their relationship was more like theirs. They thought they were the perfect, happy couple.
What they didn’t know is each of them had another relationship for years.They were husband and wife in name only. They did not even sleep in the same house at night yet no one knew!! They didn’t hate one another, they just didn’t love each other anymore. Their friends and family were shocked when the information came to light. Now not one of them spoke of wanting a relationship just like theirs. They instead said that the relationship they were in was much better than theirs. Now that they knew all the facts, their opinion and perspective changed. Drastically.
We really do not know all the facts in the relationships was are comparing ours to. We don’t know all the secrets, bad habits, and annoyances that exist within it. We see most people when they are at their best behavior. There is a persona that comes into play and a certain filter we use when outside our homes. So what good is it to be comparing your relationship to anyone else’s? What does it matter if you are not married yet all your friends are? Will you be jealous when half of them go through a divorce? Will you be envious of these same friends if they wind up single mothers?
Focusing on other people’s relationships and happiness takes away from where your focus should be. Your focus should be on what makes you happy. Sure, you may get married later in life but having life experience may help you choose the right partner. This wisdom and self-knowledge can help you find a long-lasting relationship. There is a good and bad side to everything. Don’t be fooled by your own perception of perfect relationships. They may be all in your head. And, what will make one person happy in a relationship will make another person depressed. You are your relationships always have an element of unique to them, because you are unique. And so is your partner.
Rather than comparing your relationship to another couples, take a long hard look at your relationship instead. And keep in mind, someone out there may think you are in a better relationship than they are!!