Each partner needs to be doing their part in a relationship in order for it to work. It can’t be just one doing both parts in the relationship. No one can keep a relationship together all by themselves. If your relationship is important to you, don’t wait until it is too late. Begin doing your part in your relationship so it can last the long term.
A relationship is built and strengthened by two people doing their part. So what exactly is your part in a relationship? Since each couple is unique, the answer varies. Above all there should be a sense of equality in the relationship, even in the sense of trade offs. One of you may be the financial provider, while the other maintains the home and children, attends school, or is starting a business of their own. Each of you should respect the others part in the relationship. Each of you have a right to expect your partner to value what you do. You cannot expect someone to support you financially in the relationship and you do relatively nothing. If you don’t want them to feel like they are doing it all, step up to the plate. Each person can find their part in the relationship to make the relationship run smoothly.
Let’s say you and your fiance are planning to get married and buy a house. You want a big wedding, along with the home. You don’t make extra money, but your fiance has a chance to work overtime. As a couple, you decide your fiance will work that overtime until you have enough money for the wedding and the down payment on the home. That is their part, now what is yours? Yours is to not complain that they are working all the time. Your part in the relationship could also be to help them get some of their errands run since they are spending so much time at work these days. Giving them a hard time or whining how little you get to see them is not your part in the relationship. That is not working as a team. That is not working with your partner towards a goal, that is making it harder on them. Sure, a compliment such as “I can’t wait until we have all the money we need so I can see you more” is fine. Letting them know you miss them but are still grateful they are willing to do this for your future is fine as well. But getting emotionally needy and clingy is not. That just makes it harder on the one actually doing their part in the relationship.
Each member of the couple has to put up with each others idiosyncrasies because no one is perfect. However, it is not your part in a relationship to put up with it when they go overboard. Then your part becomes an enforcer of boundaries. Each person plays a role in the dynamics of the relationship. It is not up to one person to be the one who always makes peace. It is not always one persons job to apologize when they are wrong. Just because someone loves you does not mean they always get the brunt of your bad moods. Your part in the relationship is to not get too comfortable. Always remember why this person signed up to be in a relationship with you. If you treated them then, the way you do now, would they have signed up? If the answer is no, ask yourself why you think they will stay in the relationship. Chances are if you don’t start doing your part, they won’t. It is not fair that we feel we can give our worst to those closest to us, and often saved the best of ourselves for complete strangers. Why on earth would we do that?