Will he try to win you back? You didn’t want to have to end your relationship, but the time had come. You couldn’t take it anymore, and called the relationship off. Now you can’t help but wonder if they will try to win you back. You don’t want the relationship over for good. You wanted them to respect you, and were tired of their disrespectful behavior. You wanted them to learn from their mistakes, not repeat them. At the time you felt you had no choice, even though it was a choice you did not want to make. Now, day after day, you wonder if you did the right thing. Did you push them too far away? Will they try to win you back or will they move on instead? That question can keep you up all night and screw up your entire day. The worrying can actually make you feel physically ill.
Try to take your mind from asking if he will try to win you back. Instead, think of what it will take for him to win you back. If you have broken up, obviously something is very wrong and needs to be fixed at once. Too many people lose sight of that when they are caught up in worries of the relationship being over for good. Never lose sight of what is should take for them to actually win you back. Think about what has to change. Think about what you never want them to do or say again. Think of what behaviors need to disappear entirely in order for you to give them another chance. The bigger the problem, the worse the behavior, the harder you should make it on them when they try to win you back.
The chances of them learning anything from the break up if you are too easy on them is slim to none. The time you have spent apart is irrelevant as well. We get a lot of clients asking us if, while apart, their partner has grown or changed. Most people don’t spend their time apart from someone and change drastically. Especially since the dynamics have already been established. You know how there are certain people you can not see for a long time and when you do you both act and feel as though no time has passed? The same thing happens with most couples. Once patterns, behaviors and dynamics have been established, as soon as you reunite, they come back soon enough.
Change is only really tested when you are back together. They need to change their attitude while you apart. They need to change the relationship with you. Not alone. For instance, let’s say you cook the best cookies in the world, and when I am at your house I eat too many. You and I don’t see each other for a long time so I am not eating your cookies. I am telling myself that if I see you again, I will not eat your cookies. It is easy to tell myself that, because your cookies aren’t right in front of me. It is only when I am back at your house, and they are right in front of me that I have to make the change. It is the same with relationships, only so much can be done alone, and so much to be done when you are together. So if he tries to win you back, don’t have unrealistic expectations. Remember those behaviors and how the built up in the first place. Quash them before they become a habit again. Don’t fall back into the same dynamics again. There is no point for them to try to win you back over and over again. That will get old. So shift gears while you are apart and really seek how you can try to get your relationship back on track.