One lie often leads to many more. Once you lie, you often have to create more lies to back up your original lie. Many people try to find truth in lies and that is a big mistake. When someone has lied to you everything they say to back up that lie most likely won’t be the truth. So many people have a difficult time understanding this concept. Instead they focus on each and every statement not knowing which were lies and what is truth.
A good rule of thumb is to realize any statements supporting a lie have to be a lie. How could the truth back up a lie? Let’s say your husband went to a strip club with his co workers. He doesn’t want to tell you because he believes you will be angry. So he tells you he went out for something to eat instead at the local steak house. Now every question you ask him about his evening has to be a lie, doesn’t it? He didn’t go to the steak house so how could he tell you about it without lying? He can’t. So now he has to make up a ton of nonsense to back up his original lie.
Let’s fast forward a few days later. You wash his clothes and find a napkin from the strip club and of course this sets you off big time. So you call your husband at work. You ask him again where he went with the guys and again he tells he went to the steakhouse. Now you call him a filthy liar and explain how you found the napkin in his pocket. He tells you that you are being ridiculous because he was in someone else’s car and needed to wipe his hands and this was the only napkin the guy had in the car. He used it and put it in his pocket. He didn’t even know that the napkin was from a strip club! He yells back at you saying you are too controlling, too suspicious and that he can’t believe you don’t trust him. He says to you, right before he hangs up on you, that he really doesn’t know how to feel about you right now.
Now you are left with the phone in your hand wondering if you made a big huge mistake. You aren’t sure you completely believe him. But then again, you also feel guilty for accusing him and making such a big deal if he really is telling the truth. You are also hurt by everything he said. You can’t believe he really thinks you are controlling. You never knew he thought you were suspicious. You worry that he thinks you don’t trust him. And you especially worry if this has changed his feelings for you. Stop right there.
You are taking lies used to back up another lie as the truth. In most cases he doesn’t think or feel those things. He just had to lie some more to make his story look legit. He had to say something. He was in defensive mode and said things he thought would make you defensive. The best way to back off someone on the offense is to make them go on defense. And that is exactly what he did. So you shouldn’t really take those words to heart or over analyze them. Especially if he never said those things before. So always keep in mind, that where you find one lie, you will find many. Skip looking for the truth, because it is very rarely there.